Side note, the run didn't go that great for various reasons I'm sure. But, the point was to finish the mileage, to force myself to suffer through it, and then I can figure out what made it not so great, but at least I don't worry aobut mentally or physically handling it.
Anyway, then we really started to click. It was very wherever the wind may take us, but it was perfect and we had a great time. We even ended up going to the Red Sox game on Sunday, getting absolutely amazing seats behind 1st base. I love this stuff, the kind of weekend where serendipity or luck or fortune or whatever seem to grab you and your partner by the hand, and say "No worries, I got ya covered this time." All goes back to building those memories I talked aobut before.
Unfortunately, the spirit guiding us kind of ditched us on Monday. I was actually starting to get sick over the weekend, but totally ignored it which is always the way to go(he says dripping with sarcasm befitting Janeane Garofolo in 1996). And on Monday, I woke up rather ill and tired. That wasn't even that bad though because I stayed home, working over my remote connection, and resting up. The depths came on Tuesday when I went back to work. I imagine it was a conglomeration of illness, fatigue, some work setbacks, and the fact that I still have 7 more weeks here, but the point is I got a serious case of the doldrums, hardcore despair. It's been in the background for a bit now, and alluded to on this blog. But it just kind of broke through the defenses yesterday. The gigantic juxtaposition with the weekend didn't help matters at all either. The big underlying factor is that I do not care about my job at all, I just straight up do not care. There a couple reasons, A) I'm outta here soon so why invest in it, B) The day to day work is not remotely intellectually stimulating to me, C) Social interaction is not part of the day to day workflow, and D) I have this really amazing thing ahead of me that's just beyond my fingertips.
Now there are plenty of rebuttals or even shut the hell ups to throw at hose and I know them all. But it is hard to get past all that rolled altogether, especially when my malaise combat skills were at an ebb due to physical and mental depletion. And, not being engaged in something is something I'm not used to, and definitely not good for you. I had distractions before, the wedding, the marathon, applying to school, half-marathon, but now...nada. That's not to say this angst will continue. First off, the defenses and coping mechanisms are returning with gusto, they always do. And I'm sure I will come up with some new mini-distractions soon(i.e. a new laptop in two weeks and some other things). I guess the whole point of this is that the last few days have been a manic emotional roller coaster, and I am defnitely ready for the teacups.
Also, is anybody reading this still, please comment. Either way, I'll keep posting, just kind of want to know if there's an audience because I can talk to myself more often, and write a little less, or vice versa.
Note: An above comment is not meant to imply that the work I do could not be found stimulating or engaging by others, or to belittle it's challenges or importance. Mainly, I am not engaged or stimulated by it any longer.
